just some random pictures from recently. i haven't been going anywhere really. money is tight.

oh

being back in japan has been exceptionally strange and emotional for me. i'm here for an odd length of time. two and a half months, it's longer than a vacation but it doesn't feel long enough for me to say that i'm living here either. i'm on a tourist visa. i never know what to say when people ask what i'm doing here. "i don't know" isn't the kind of answer you give to that kind of question in japanese. especially when you don't want to explain past that. i'm just here. i don't want to settle in too much, but i need to settle in to a certain degree. i had to buy dishes, shampoo, food. i have a refrigerator in my room. i cook my own food but i don't feel at home. i feel incredibly torn between here, ireland and chicago recently. each place offers me something different, and something important, each one lacks something significant. japan offers me such a strong feeling of home, which is a idea for some people to wrap their heads around as i'm very clearly not japanese, but something clicked the first time i came here and i feel some kind of purpose and belonging that i don't get anywhere else i've been. chicago has the people i'm closest too and my immediate family. my sisters are the only reason i'm here, and they're the reason i'm in school in chicago. ireland has always been home, despite living there for on average 1/12th of the year when i was younger. i've been taught since i was young that that is home. i'm an irish citizen. even when i come through customs/immigration with a us passport the customs/immigration officers say "welcome home". recently more than ever i feel like i need to be there. but all of these places are lacking things too and i don't know where i should be. i feel spread too thin over too much space. i'm only 20 but i feel so much older.

pizza?

haven't been doing too much of anything these past few days

stop pooping on my floor i just cleaned.

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1

i miss pizza but at least i can buy lint rollers for carpet

lets get started

i'm marianne. a 20 year old fashion student living in tokyo for the summer (not working, not interning, just living) and this will be where i keep track of my day to day adventures/things i do/things i see/things i wear and how i feel.