kumo

for some reason i really honestly thought that when i came back here to japan my problems would kind of fizzle away and all of a sudden i'd find that half of myself that constantly feels like it's missing. i'm realizing now that it's obviously not that simple, and i've ended up feeling more confused than ever. i'm grasping at straws trying to figure out a way to become happy again - or just functional really. i'm out of good ideas and the thought of going home, trying to find a place to live and a job and starting out a new school year at a school that feels entirely toxic to me is really really scary. my support system feels smaller than ever, and the upcoming school year seems as though it will be more stressful than the two preceding it. i'm trying to just function normally here, wake up, eat, go out, do something, come home, clean, draw, anything other than just collapse into bed, but a lot of mornings just getting out of bed still feels like climbing a mountain. i'm at a loss here, and i feel like i'm living in a cloud, but not in a good way.

(photo is of a beach near my house in ireland)